Monday, June 14, 2010

When You Need a bit of Space

It's finally beginning to seriously wear on me, psychologically, having multiple roommates.  Not that the majority of them aren't "good" roommates - I just want my space back for ME.

I spent a large amount of time living completely alone, with no roommates whatsoever, during the mid portion of 2005, and then again from mid 2007 until late 2008.  During that time, I spread out a bit.  I got Comfortable not having to confine myself to 1 room in order to accomodate other people.

I had the house arranged quite to my liking, prior to bringing daddy home from the first nursing center, while he was on hospice and we were getting told he was going to be dead in a few months.  I had my workshop arranged the way I wanted it.  I had all my computer stuff in a room other than my bedroom, which was specifically an office.  I didn't have to crowd my painting supplies and various craft projects into my workshop.

It was Comfortable.

I didn't have other people making messes that they expected me to clean up after them.  My bills were lower since there was only me using any of the utilities.  I could keep only those things that I enjoy stocked in the fridge and freezer, and never had to consider someone else's tastes when I made meals.  The only other inhabitants of the space were my pets, and they didn't bother me or make messes that I didn't expect when I got them.

It's not comfortable these days.  I'm crowded into one room in my own home.  I have people telling me that I have no right to set the rules for the household and expect anyone other than myself to follow them - that they aren't obligated to do anything they don't want.  They will soon be finding out that if they don't follow whatever rules I feel are reasonable for this house, they'll be finding someplace else to live.

Maybe that's what it's going to take to get rid of this feeling lately that I'm the outsider in my own home.

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