Things I Need Out of Life

For the past several weeks - perhaps even the past few months - I've been doing a bit of examination as to what it is that I actually need in a relationship.  Considering my past lack of success in that area, I've come to the conclusion that either (a) what I'm looking for doesn't actually exist or (b) my expectations are set way to high to ever be achieved.  Granted, I haven't (yet) completely given up hope that I'm proven wrong on both those counts - but the more years go by, the less that hope is willing to remain in place.

Anyone who happens to feel that this little list of expectations and needs isn't reasonable is welcome to call 1-800-Fuck-You, and leave a complaint with their customer service department.  If you get a recording there, why not try 1-900-Eat-Shit.  Either way, that's about what your less than favorable opinion means to me these days.

I Don't need Pity, I Don't need Sympathy, and I Don't need "fixing."

I need to be accepted for who I am - not in some idealized version of me that someone thinks they can turn me into. Don't get involved with me thinking that you're going to somehow miraculously Change me.  This is who I am, like it or get the fuck outta my life - cause I'm sure as shit not gonna be changing to suit anyone other than ME.  Don't like my weight? Go talk to some brain dead bulimic bimbo.  Don't like my attitude?  Go hunt up a doormat.  Don't like my honesty?  Then go lie to yourself in a mirror, cause I'm not gonna pussyfoot around things to satisfy someone else's ego.

I expect Respect.  It's not given, it's earned.  You'll earn it, just like I will.  And I have no use for those who expect to be given ass kissing in place of real respect, or who demand respect without having done anything to earn it.  Until it's been earned - common courtesy will suffice - in both directions.

I expect Consistency.  I expect not to be intentionally placed in Lose/Lose situations.  And if you're consistently a jackass, that doesn't mean that I'll put up with it - it just means that I'll kick you out of my universe that much more rapidly.

I expect Loyalty.  I'm the most loyal friend you'll ever find - or the most implacable enemy if my loyalty is misused.  Cheating is never acceptable, nor is it ever justifiable.  Betraying my friendship will earn you a quick trip to the list of those whom I either refuse to acknowledge as living, or a return of the knife in the back, whichever I happen to find more convenient and more satisfying at the time.

I expect Integrity.  Say what you mean, mean what you say, and for fuck sake, back up your words with deeds.  If you say you're going to do something, then I expect you to by gods do that something, not blow it off.  If you're going to make a promise - then keep it.  Accept the fact that if you do Not keep your word, I will quit trusting you - and once I quit trusting you, it's all over but the shootin.  I'm not unreasonable, nor am I an absolutist - if there are Legitimate reasons why you can't do what you've said you'll do, then I'm willing to cut some slack.  Unless it becomes a pattern that you say one thing, do another, make excuses that are "reasonable" excuses, and expect me to continually buy into it.

I expect  Honesty.  Don't bother to lie to me, because I WILL find out the truth - and when I do, I'll make certain that you're miserable for a while.  Trust demands honesty.  If I can't trust you - I have no use for you.  I'm not talking about the whole cliched "Honey does this make me look fat" kind of honesty where you figure you're gonna get slapped regardless of how diplomatically you happen to answer.  I don't mean keeping a surprise a surprise.  I mean don't tell me you're going to be working when the truth is you're going to be at the bar looking for a quick, easy pick up.

It's not a long list.  It's not a difficult list.  It's certain not an unreasonable or unattainable list.  And eventually, I will manage to meet at least one person on this farking planet who can live up to that list.