Monday, September 20, 2010

Promises to Myself

Time on my hands.  I've had a lot of that, since back in December when I had my stress induced nervous breakdown and dad subsequently got moved to a professional nursing facility. 

What does a lot of time alone, with very little to do, actually give you?  An opportunity to take a closer look at things.  At your own life.  At where you've been, where you're going, how you're getting there.  And I keep circling back to the task, because although I've started to do so several times, I keep allowing myself to get distracted and put off the real Meat of the project.  It's easier not to think.  Not to examine things under that microscope. 

I did today though.  I took an honest assessment of myself, while I walked up to where Lisa (my current room mate, and my best friend) works so that she wouldn't have to walk home by herself at midnight.  I came to some conclusions during that walk.  And I made myself some promises.

  • I promise to treat myself with more respect than I have at times in my past. 
  • I will look in the mirror every day, and remind myself that I deserve happiness, contentment, and joy. 
  • I will quit worrying about the past, and will walk forward into the future without reservation or holding back. 
  • I will not fear what has yet to happen, I will not allow the past to dictate my responce to the future, and I will not accept guilt, shame, blame, or remorse over "might have beens" as simply my lot in life.
  • I will remind myself daily that my good qualities far outweigh those things that might not be so stellar, rather than being down on myself for a lack of perfection. 
  • I am Human, and therefore flawed, but I will not allow that to hinder me or hold me back.
  • I will remind myself daily - and maybe more than just once a day - that I don't have to look like a super model to be worthy of love, respect, consideration, and friendship.
  • I will allow life to happen, rather than trying to force the direction of the stream.  Nature will cut a path through rock if I will simply sit back and allow it the time to do so.
  • I will embrace contentment and thanksgiving and joy in what I have - rather than bemoan those things which I do not have - whether those things be material or spiritual or emotional.
  • I will accept myself as I am, and quit worrying or allowing myself to become stressed by what others might think or expect.  It is my own inner peace with me, and my own contentment with my life, which is of importance and value - not the expectations or demands of others.
  • I will quit attempting to carry the weight of other peoples problems or worries as my own.  My strength is limited, and now it is time for my strength to be focused on myself rather than on everyone else.
  • I will acknowledge to myself daily that I am Unique and therefore Irreplaceable.  When I am gone from someone's life, there will always be a Me shaped hole there, which NO ONE else is capable of filling in the same way which I fill that hole.
  • I will embrace the positive, rather than allowing apathy, depression, guilt, or complacency to hold sway over my attitudes, my thoughts, my beliefs, or my actions.
Ready or not, world, here I come.