I do a lot of contemplative thinking when I've got to much free time. And let's face it, now that I'm no longer part of the work force, and likely never will be again, I have way to much free time. Random bits of flotsam go skittering through my poor brainpan on an almost daily basis. Some of them are large enough to cause a bit of a logjam, and get turned over a bit more thoroughly than the rest.
Today was one of those days when a logjam happened.
Have you ever noticed that habitual liars all seem to have a few basic things in common? They don't consider it "wrong" to lie - but boy, do they dislike facing the consequences when they get caught. Some of them hate those consequences so much that they'll go to almost any lengths to avoid getting caught. They'll tell further lies, they'll attempt to distract you from what they are being confronted with, they'll attempt to misdirect towards someone else as the "actual" culprit, and inevitably they will try to paint you (the one who confronts them with Truth) as somehow being The Bad Guy.
Starting about 16 years ago, I began a run of bad picks in men. All of them, to greater or lesser degree, turned out to be habitual liars. I'm not saying that all males are like that - they aren't. There are some good, honest, trustworthy men in the world. What I am saying is that my picker was broken during that time frame, and those whom I chose - inevitably - were of the Other sort - the dishonest, dishonorable, and untrustworthy. It's been one of the main reasons for me having the long string of ex's that I've got. They underestimated my ability to tell when they were lying, or thought I was either too stupid to notice or to desperate to call them to account for it. I always know, on some level, when I'm being lied to - even if it's not a blatant and obvious lie. Something about a statement simply won't sit well with me, and will nag at the back of my brain until I finally start digging enough to get to the truth.
Most of the males in that string of rejects had a trait in common that I'm still stymied to understand. All of them, once they were caught and the evidence present to show them "I know you're lying, I know what the truth is" attempted to convince me that it was somehow My fault that they'd lied to me. It was for my own good. It was to spare my feelings. I didn't Really understand what was going on, regardless of what proof I had.
Buzzzzzzzzz! Wrong Answer! But, we thank you for playing You Bet Your Life!
It wasn't to spare me, or to keep from hurting my feelings, nor was it somehow for My good. No. It was to spare Them having to face the consequences of their actions. It was to keep Them from having to admit that they'd over estimated their charm and ability to lie, and under estimated my intuition, intelligence, complacency, and desperation levels. It was to spare themselves having to face finding a new place to live (all of them lived with me, usually financially dependent on me to keep a roof over their head and keep them fed) or live out of their vehicle - assuming they even Had a vehicle. It was for Their own good, so that they could (hopefully) maintain what they saw as a cushy life at someone else's expense and trouble.
Ultimately that's always why someone makes the choice to lie. They are looking out for their own convenience or comfort in some way. They're avoiding immediate conflict that would be uncomfortable to them, either in the short term or the long term. They're avoid responsibility for their actions. They want something that they're not supposed to have, or did something that they knew it was wrong to do.
Don't ever make the mistake of telling yourself that its for someone else's good though, when you choose to lie to them. The only person you're protecting is yourself.
Misfires and Hangfires and Squibs, oh my!
5 days ago