Wednesday, August 24, 2016

A few ugly truths about Life with a Chronic Illness....

Many people these days seem to be on an Inspirational / Positive Thinking Quote/Meme kick on social media.  I don't know if its because they simply like the memes, and therefore repost them again and again.  Perhaps its that a few of them actually think that it will somehow "help" someone on their friends list, or further down the line.

Here's a little hint.  They don't.  They don't make one damned bit of difference.  Any "inspiration" they happen to offer lasts about the same length of time that the meme is actually visible on the screen.  They aren't life changing or life saving.

Whether religious in nature or simply "positive" philosophy in nature makes not one whit of difference, either.  Most folks aren't nearly as religiously inclined as their friends think they are, except while they're specifically in church.  Then they turn around, go home, and go right back to the same things they've done Monday through Saturday (or Sunday through Friday, for those who hold sabbat on Saturday instead) for the following week, with very little thought given to whatever spiritual teachings they happen to profess during that "holy" day.

My life is governed by 3 specific things: Pain Management, Fatigue Management, and Stress Management.  That's it.  That's all.  Everything revolves around, and is dependent upon, those 3 items being properly and carefully managed.

All the inspirational claptrap in the world isn't going to change that fact.  No amount of Positive Thinking is going to change it, either.

Pain from Lupus and Fibromyalgia doesn't go away simply because we think "happy" thoughts.  Doing as little as possible to exasperate the currently pain filled area, taking lots of interesting drugs with sometimes unpredictable side effects, and simply gritting our teeth and ignoring it when we have relatively "good" days.... that's how we cope.  Because the pain never completely goes away unless we're so doped up on pain meds that we turn into the equivalent of dieting zombies.  (Dieting because we're not actively eating brains.)

Fatigue from dealing with pain, and from hyper-sensitive nerves, and from over doing it attempting to actually get something done other than sitting around feeling utterly Useless doesn't simply Disappear because we read some nice quote telling us to BELIEVE.  It doesn't go away from laying down and taking a nap either.  It never completely goes away.

Stress is a fact of life.  Even on the "good" days there are stressors.  What to wear, traffic, what needs to get done just to accommodate the simple act of surviving in the 21st century, grocery shopping and cooking meals and feeding the pets.  And dealing with trying to get dressed while you hurt so bad you want to scream.  Trying to brush your hair so you look at least semi-presentable when your arms are lead weights attached to your shoulders, and lifting them sufficiently to use the brush causes agony.  Asking yourself, 'do I have time to take a much needed nap, since I'm falling asleep in my chair, or will that totally derail attempting to finish anything today?"

Keep your positive and Inspirational memes.  If they make you feel better... good for you, more power to ya.  But don't expect me to suddenly jump up and proclaim that my life has changed, or gotten better.  And DON'T tell me that I just need to start thinking positive about my situation or looking for some non-existent silver fucking lining.

Don't ask me what I "plan to do differently to make things better for myself."  This is simply how life is.  These diseases aren't going away.  Nothing and no one is going to make them suddenly ..... Easier. 

I already do everything I'm Capable of doing to make things "better" for myself - by not doing much of anything, by sleeping a lot even when I should be getting Necessary things done, by "neglecting" daily tasks that are nearly soul destroying to let them constantly slide because I don't have the energy or the pain free days to actually Accomplish much..

by putting up with getting told I'm simply being lazy, or that I "can't" hurt as much as I say I do, by being told that I'm just looking for sympathy and attention and making a big deal out of nothing, by being ignored and virtually abandoned by those who are supposedly my Friends because I can't go out and do things simply because I Want to.....

Keep your positive thinking.  Keep your inspirational memes.  Just don't expect me to be inspired.  Or to be positive of anything other than that I'm ready for this to all be over and done with - but that I won't get That luxury until I'm dead.

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