Saturday, June 29, 2019

Breaking Points

Everyone has a breaking point.  They have a point past which they can no longer function, and pushing them past this point almost always leads to an unpleasant outcome.

I find that I have reached my own breaking point on several issues.  I won't go into what they are.  Not right now. There are conversations that need to be held, and actions to be accomplished before I will feel free to discuss what the issues are that have caused me to reach this point.

Life has become more stressful and unpleasant in some respects almost by the day.  Things that I "need" to do, responsibilities that I "have" to deal with, problems that I "must" over come.

Unfortunately, my strength is gone.  My patience has worn out.  And I find myself in a position where I have two choices - take a serious step away from those responsibilities and problems, or most likely suffer a psychotic break.  I've been living on borrowed time, attempting to find a third alternative, and have failed to do so.

Since I'm supremely reluctant to allow myself to be pushed into the later of those two unpleasant and unfortunate choices - a psychotic break - the only option remaining is for me to take a serious step back and let everything other than my own mental health fall by the wayside.

Its not going to be easy.  Its not going to be pleasant.  Its going to come with recriminations, accusations, hurt feelings, and most likely lost friendships.  I accept that as simply the way life works out some times.  I have no doubt that when all is said and done, there will be harsh words spoken both to and about me.  I find that I simply do not have the emotional energy or the spiritual capacity to care what is said down the road.

Come to think of it, I find that I lack the emotional energy to care about much of anything any longer, other than my own emotional well being.  I've put myself and my continued healing on the back burner for too long.

It is time I reclaim myself, and finish taking certain emotional steps forward.